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Have you ever dated a generous partner?

Have you ever dated a generous partner?

Have you ever dated a generous partner?

I don’t know whether I’d call myself lucky or unlucky having experienced this type of a man at the ripe age of 32. When I first discovered he would me shower me with gifts every opportunity, an unpleasant shock was the emotion I was feeling. Perhaps it was the age thing and I felt too old to be ‘bought’; perhaps it was the fact that I knew my place in a society and I was financially independent myself.

We were on our second date together when it first happened. We drove out of London and stopped in a shopping centre along the way. I only went to that particular store because I was bored waiting for him. He found me looking at the top I didn’t even like and said:

‘Shall I buy you this?’ Looking at the price tag, it was well over £200. ‘No!’ I exclaimed in shock, thinking he was joking. As I walked out, he stayed behind, only to emerge a few minutes later, swinging that same top in a bag. I was speechless.

‘Please no’, I managed to stammer, feeling very embarrassed. ‘It’s ok, no problem, I know you liked it’ replied he. And I had to leave it as that.

Thinking it was a one off, I agreed to visit Westfield in London a few days later. We were supposed to go for a coffee and something to eat. The minute we got there, however, a huge shopping spree began, all for me.

‘What’s your favourite perfume?’ he asked. ‘Angel, but I have a bottle at home now’, I said quickly to prevent him from buying it. But it was no use. He went into the store and bought me the largest bottle available.

‘Thank you’, I managed to say, feeling like a young teenager with a sugar daddy even though there were only a few years between us. And on it went. This store, that store, everywhere I slightly looked, he pulled me in. That day I came home with bags of new shoes and clothes.

I tried talking to him on a way home. ‘I don’t feel comfortable when you buy so much for me’, I said. ‘We’ve only had 3 dates. I’m starting to feel like I owe you.’ We have not progressed to a physical relationship by that point. Was he trying to make me have sex with him? Would he stop once we actually became a proper couple?

As it turned out, no. When we did become a proper couple, his generosity grew. Within 2 months, I was  even allowed to drive his brand new BMW X6. When we went food shopping, he’d buy me absolutely everything. Of course, my ‘no’ was always coming out. He once said to me: ‘If I were you, I would say, buy me this, this, this, everything!’ Of course, I knew there were girls who’d be much better at accepting this generosity than me. I really sucked at it and just couldn’t relax about it.

When I was little, my mum didn’t have much money to spend on treats for us. I used to daydream about being left alone in a shop full of sweets and just  eat whatever I fancied. Well, I felt like that now.

I know what you’re thinking: why on earth is she complaining?

Well, I’m not complaining. That’s not the right word. As I said before, back in my younger days, I sometimes wished for a man like this. You know, you have days when the winter sets in too quickly and your bills soar upwards. You silently curse your single status and cast a jealous eye over your friend in a relationship; while she is not able to go out at an hour’s notice, she can sleep soundly knowing her bills will be taken care of.

But generous guys seemed impossible to find. Even if some were generous, they always went for cold, manipulative girls. I had a friend in my twenties that only met guys who were generous- or did she turn them into generous men? I’m not so sure now.

When me and my friend went out, it was always the same story. I’d pop to the ladie’s room and when I came back, she held a glass of champagne in her hand. She had a rule of never to buy her own drink, so I knew the dashing guy standing next to her must have bought her that. Of course, once I joined them, he politely asked me if I wanted one as well. But I knew he was just being polite and before I had time to think, I blurted out: ‘No, thank you!’

Within weeks, she'd have her guys byuing her designer outfits and handbags. I often wondered how I would accept these sort of gifts, but it never happened to me, so I couldn't find out.

Standing in a long queue at the bar surrounded by men waving twenties in the air, I wondered what it was my friend had that I was missing. I was taller than her, a size 10, while she was tiny with a much fuller figure. And yet she felt no shame in answering ‘yes’ before the drink offer even came.   

Sadly, I’ve always been naturally programmed to say to say ‘no’ to any kind of offer, not just when it came to men. I blame my mother for this a little- she installed self-pride in me too deep. Plus, my ex-boyfriend had been such a tight ass, I got used to paying for both us- something I’d never ever do again. No!

So all in all, this experience- all 8 months of it- had been a pleasant one. I felt truly loved and cared for. We've had beautiful romantic weekend getaways and never-ending fun. We broke up for good reasons, and I’m back to buying my own, well, everything. I’m also back to the usual situation in the bar: a guy might come up to talk to me, but rarely offers me a drink. And when he does offer, I’m back to my usual: ‘No, no, thank you!’ I guess I did not change one bit! 

And my advice to you if you meet a generous guy? Enjoy every second. Relax. He wouldn’t do it if he didn’t want to. Men only do what they want!

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