Komicka situace

Nasledujici clanek neprosel dokonalou pravopisnou ani grammer-pisnou kontrolou, predevsim anglicka verze :), ale na pobaveni snad poslouzi 

 

Prazdniny v Cechach?

Aneb  ukazkovy “Den blbec”

 

 

          To vam musim napsat jak ja jela jednoho leta domu…. Je 6.8.2008 rano. Narychlo se balim nedockava predstavou skvele dovolene v zemi materske. Slovo ‚nestiham‘ ke mne  patri stejne pevne jako ‚kalhotky ke Krteckovi‘ ; mam pul hodky na to stavit se do prace  pro vyplatu a byt v 10am na stanici Victoria…

          Vybehla jsem ven a zrovna tam stal autobus ktery by tam za 10-15min byl, presto vaham - taxi-bus-taxi-bus. No naskocim na plosinu a ridic naoplatku vyskocil aby sel neco resit pres cestu! Nyni trpelivosti urcite neoplyvam, hned mavam na taxi..po dvou minutach me predjel ten bus a po 15ti vsechny obsazene taxiky! Klatim se se vsi batozinou skoro do pulky cesty kdy mi konecne jeden dobrodinec zastavi… Za deset deset do hospody, kde sefovi dekuji za behu,se souhlasnym “Ano, uz jdu zas pozde” padim k memu zachranci. Ridic se fakt snazi takze 9:58 jsme na Victorce. S vlajicimi zavazadly bezim na Easy Bus, stestim bez sebe ze tam jeste stoji na nej mavam jizdenkou a checkuju  cilovou stanici Gatwick. On mi prikyvl na listek a uz se vezu vysmata i spokojena z uspesneho dobehu.  Kdyby mi preci jen ujel, jeste bych to vpohode stihla na letiste tim dalsim…Celou cestu je mi blbe, neb ridic vyznava filozofii ‘Brzda-Plyn’!

           I po tak silene ceste si na letisti vychutnam mou snidani od mileho a spokojene si prehazuju veci abych prosla osobni

kontrolou. Asi tak 12:15 jdu tam s tim ze ‘gate’ zavira v jednu takze jeste fura casu. S usmevem pozdravim urednika a ten mi usmev vrati se slovy: “Slecno, a jste si jista ze jste spravne? Mate tady  odjezd ze Stansteadu..” “A kde jsem? Ptam se jeste pripitomnele” “Na Gatwicku!” “Aha…” No trva mi to dobrych pet minut nez mi dojde kde se stala chyba a z ktereho letiste vlastne letim-tedy BYCH LETELA, a kde presne jsem - to mi zabralo jeste dyl. Nedavno jsem totiz vyzvedavala par lidi z Gawicku i Stansteadu a proste jsem si za nic na svete nemohla vybavit jak ktere letiste vypada a vubec sem nepremyslela nad tim ze ktereho letim!!! Dobra, snazim se zmirnit dopad me ostudne chyby, a s chladnou hlavou hledam moznosti jak se dostat DOMUUUU!

            Na internetu hledam nejlevnejsi a nejrychlejsi moznost. Automat mi vyplivl predrazeny listek, ktery jsem nemohla pouzit! Pretizeni site dokonce i na 5ti volnych pocitacich. Na tech par obsazenych se  decka bavili na hrach a kdosi znudene cekajici na let sledoval motorky atd…KONECNE jeden fungujici…

 V pulce vyhledavani okynko:  “Send or don’t send the error” a to pitome okno je presne uprostred obrazovky. Zadna sance ho oddelat ci posunout!! Kolem nej a pod nim vidim dobry let, ale koupit ho nelze dokud sem se nedockala dalsiho pocitace, kde se mi podarilo uspesne {VZACNE SLOVICKO DNESNIHO DNE} koupit letenku na druhy den 6:30 rano ze STANSTEADU! J....

za 118 liber i se zavazadlem coz je skvela cena uprsotred sezony! Drobny detail:  musim do Prahy misto do Brna.

             A tak jedu domu (UK), narusit priteli jeho odpoledni mejdan s kamosem, hamburgry a pivkem…Dalsich 30 liber me stoji prejezdy mezi letisti a to jeste zvladnu zabloudit na Victorce! Snazim se najit Sloane Sq. pesky a v ramci neutuchajici smuly vyjdu blbym smerem takze po pul hodine se ocitam opet na Buckingham Palace Road; jen o 50m dal nez jsem vysla. Kolem 4pm jsem doma. Zkrousene prosim Warwycka { chapajiciho pritele, jez ovsem dnes nechape, jak se muzu te me smule jeste smat! :-}}, zda mi zkontroluje letenku, ze uz si nejsem jista nicim… Mam to spravne, jen  veta “Vytisknete  listek a prineste na letiste” me moc nepotesi. Necham si prat hodne stesti a radeji jedu na kole do internet coffee.. Na druhy pokus mi to vytiskne ikdyz rozdvojene J Jeste skocim do marketu pro svacinku a hned slysim pres rameno “Hi Nela” to me zdravi jeden ze stalych zakazniku. Jen doufam ze se s tim hned nepochlubi u me vpraci , jeste by si sef myslel, ze jsem mu lhala o dovolene….

              Uspesne dojedu zpet. Do druheho odjezdu tentokrat

taxikem  (ve 2AM rano) primo od domovnich dveri J  spim jen 3h…Rano me tedy vydesi, ze by ma smula mohla mit pokracovani, kdyz mirne zaspim a sotva vlezu do sprchy, upadne mi sprchovaci hlava :-}} Ale muzu rict ze to byly jen posledni dozvuky, protoze nakonec jsem opravdu odjela. Doma me privitalo 32 C , modro  a levna, rychla jizda zpet na Moravu, do Podoli, do lekarny….:-}

                                                      JSEM DOMA!!!!!!!!!!!!     

My Holiday Journey to the Czech Republic

-  The Best Sample of ‘Bad Luck Day’ -

 

 

     I must tell you this great story about my journey…6.8.2008 morning I am quickly packing my stuff, feeling SO excited towards my holiday. I get lost in time so easily, that no-one who knows me would be ever surprised, that I am leaving a house too late again! Within 30min I must

pop to work to collect my wage and get to Victoria for 10AM…

     Well, great catch! The right bus has just stopped in front of the house (in 10-15min I can be at work) but I’m still deciding; Bus-Taxi-Bus-Taxi. Taking the chance to jump on; immediately the driver jumped off and speaks to someone across the road! Trust me, today I have no patience to wait for anything so I am off for a taxi. In 2 min time the bus passed by. For next 15min I can see all busy taxi drivers, while dragging my baggage up to the half of my way. Finally one taxi took me on the board. 10 to 10am at the pub, saying ‘bye’ and nodding “Yeah, boss… late again!” while running back to my lift. 9:58 the miracle has happened. Easy Bus is still there. I make a run with my bags all over me and waving happily my ticket in front of driver’s eyes. Last quick check, bus says ‘Gatwick’- Let’s go. Relief, smile…to be honest, even by another minibus I would be still on time anyway.

        Driver wasn’t the most gentle one, I have a nausea soon after. At the airport I managed to enjoy breakfast made by my caring boyfriend and also organized my bags to get through check-in. 12:15 I greet an officer with a big smile and “Hello”, he repays a smile back saying: “Excuse me Miss, are you sure you are at the right place? It says here ‘departure Stanstead’…”   “So…where am I?” I ask like a total idiot. “At  Gatwick!” “ Aaaah…” It took me a while to work out what I’ve done wrong and even longer to get the fact where I am!? Which air-port I am actually flying from- I MEAN I WOULD FLY FROM? It starts puzzling in now; recently I picked up few friends from different air-ports and that’s why I remembered Gatwick. So I followed the same route automatically.

         Anyway, now I am on a search for the best way out of this embarrassing mistake, keep it cool and find the alternative how to get hoooome! An internet has the tool; some kind of machine gave me one terribly overpriced ticket, which I can’t use anyway. Five of the free computers are down.  Apparently caused by a “busy network”. Let’s see: 2children enjoying PC-games then one looking-like bored gentleman searching bout motorbikes before his flight is due. Finally one working space is vacated, I grabbed the mouse and only as soon as I found the possible alternative flight, the computer has got frozen! “Send or Don’t send the error” it says, but there’s no way on the Earth how to make that stupid little window disappear or even to move it a little bit.

Though the size of that is big enough to see my dream journey, but enables me to click on the ‘proceed’.

        

 I can’t do anything until next free WORKING PC gets available.

 

        I got it, SUCCESFULLY (such a desired word of the day!) I have bought a new ticket for 6:30AM next morning from STANSTEAD J (118 incl. my bag) good bargain in the middle of the summer. Only difficulty is traveling from Prague instead of Brno. And of course it’s more money for another 2 transfers to the right air-port. There I am, on my way back to my love, going to crush into his men’s time with his friend Dicky, beers and burgers. Believe it or not I got lost on my way from Victoria! I’ve tried to save some money by walking to Sloane Sq.; after half an hour of nonsense walking all around the place I ended up on the Buckingham Palace Rd again, just a few meters ahead!!!

         4PM Finally at home and asking Warwyck to check my tickets as I am not sure about ANYTHING today…(My always fully understanding boyfriend  has this time no clue how on the earth I can still laugh at my situation? ) He orders a cab for me to pick me up straight out of the door.J

        We found out it would be safer to print the ticket so I cycle as careful as possible back to Pimlico and boys wish me a good luck. First internet coffee is full, second one makes me a double print and at the local supermarket (buying a little snack) I got a tap one on my shoulder: “Hi” and a big smile. That’s one regular from our pub. I pray he forgets this before he goes for a one tonight, as my boss could be suspicious regarding my honesty about this holiday leave…

 

        I slept only 3hours until 2am, of course that meant I woke up at the last minute, thinking my “Bad luck day” is to be continued….especially when I took a quick shower and the shower head just dropped off! Luckily it was only the last drops because this day I landed under a blue sky, 32C and caught a cheap and fast train to my lovely home town.

 

I  AM HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!