My online dating experience- part 1

Hi guys!

 As promised, I'm going to keep a diary of my next big project this year:

To find a perfect guy!

By Perfect Guy, I mean someone I can marry and have babies with. Let's just call him "PG" from now on.

 

So, I have a few failed relationships under my belt. I've had it all:

1. My first was a PG, but we were too young to know we were perfect for each other. A failure.

2. My second was too young and immature, far from a PG.

3. My third was married. (before you judge me, us getting together was all down to him. He kept trying for a few years before I eventually gave in).

4. My forth was working too much and immature. Within 2 weeks I thought he was my PG, within 5 months we were separated.

So here I am, and really tired of looking for "The One". ( but I did get a proposal at each of these relationships, so I probably was very special to each of them :)).

I came up with a new plan:

a) To date a few guys a week in an old-fashioned way:
 Meaning no kissing, touching, holding hands until I know he's my PG. I'm a member of a few dating websites and I already have a few potential PGs lined up.

b) to look out for the following traits:

1. Is he willing to travel to meet me? (one guy is already out since he wouldn't even meet me half way for our first date. I choose who I see; he's out).

2. Is he generous with money? Obviously if we're meeting in the coffee shop it doesn't count- I'm embarassed to offer to pay for my coffee at places like this. Let's see how it goes at dinner time.

3. Is he happy about me having a son? Doubts/ concerns/ stupid comments- he's out.

4. And, obviously, is he making me feel good and special?

So, my new motto for 2011 is:

I choose who I speak to, who I see and who I meet! They don't get to choose- it's down to me!

So, my plan is in place- now for the dates...

I'm going to mention my first two in this note:

1. Number 1- Ben.

We met online around 2 years ago at a networking site Click Tonight. We haven't met in all that time. Then suddenly he contacted me though another site, Plenty of Fish, and this time I agreed to meet. He did look nice in the photos.

The date:

We chose to meet at Brent Cross for coffee. (perfect for my plans, we can not kiss or hold hands there).

I spotted a tall guy wearing thick black glasses and leather jeans the moment I walked into an Apple store I wanted to wait for him at. Of course, he was waiting there as well. Does anyone hang around a different store at Brent Cross?

I knew it was him, and felt a little disappointed as he wasn't really my type in person. I'm not really into skinny guys that much. Still, with my new resolutions, I decided to talk to him and not to leg it.

We went for coffee to Starbucks. He asked me what I wanted, I said a medium cappucino. He then produced a credit card to pay for our two coffees.

The talk went fine but it really was a boring date. But I think- and this has to be said- that a coffee shop date is much different to a date in a bar with its lively music and an alcohol flowing. There's only so much you can say in two hours, with a cappucino drunk in the first 10 minutes of it, and not feel bored. He did not offer to top up my coffee in that time, but told me quite a few times how he was struggling with money. Bad!

When I got up to leave, I knew I wouldn't be seeing him again. He texted me an hour later:

"Date on Saturday night?"

I didn't reply straight away- I'm loving this "I'm the one who chooses when and where I talk to them", but the next morning I sent him a text explaining that while he wasn't my type physically, I'd like us to stay friends (blah blah. Couldn't care less if I haven't heard from him again).

I did NOT mention his leather trousers as obvioulsly he was very proud of them.

2. Number 2- Tibor.

Well, if ever this was to work out between us, it would really be a love story. We met- wait for it- on the plane recently. It went like this:

I was travelling to see my family to Slovakia over Christmas. The plane was packed but because I stupidly chose to sit at the seat where there was no window, the two places next to me were empty. Feeling claustrophobic and idiotic, I closed my eyes to sleep my way through.

Suddenly, a late guy burst through the door- all messy hair and sleepy look- and as there was nowhere to sit, he sat next to me in our windowless row.

We had the most amazing conversation and vowed to keep in touch. I gave him my number and didn't hear from him again until he returned this week. He called as soon as he got to London. We met today- 10/01/11.

The date:

Coffee shop at Brent Cross (well, we both live close by and it's safe not to kiss).

I almost didn't recognise him as his hair was messier than the last time. Blond and blue eyed with full, kissable lips (remembered my new plan, no worries there :)) he smelled lovely and had a chewing gum, so the first impressions were good. Although he did need a trip to the hair dresser's pronto.

When we sat down at the table (he bought the coffees, with cash, and offered to buy me a cookie which I refused because of my braces), he took off his jumper and sat there wearing a T-shirt tucked up into his high-waisted jeans. Nothing that a few tactile comments wouldn't sort out :).

Our conversion didn't flow as it did on the plane, I guess we were way more excited about seeing our families and London had the opposite effect on us. He also likes to sit and stare at me intently and then ask what I'm thinking, making me feel like I have to come up with something extremely clever, whilst in reality I was thinking about cooking my Pak Choi for dinner.

But there were a few nice key points with this date:

a) while he wasn't my typical type of the guy (I like a guy that dresses well), we could work on some points;
b) I could see myself liking him;
c) he mentioned taking me out for dinner this weekend quite a few times, so probably not tight with the money.
d) even though he is Hungarian, he does come from Slovakia and whilst he refuses to speak the language- meaning we have to talk in English- he does understand Slovak. (not sure if this is a good or a bad trait).

And best of all, he's a chef at an exclusive restaurant, meaning I could take well-deserved break from the cooking from time to time.

I had a good time today, I was smiling when I left, and I'm definitely seeing him again!

I have to point out that so far, my dates went without so much as a kiss good bye...it is possible! I'm on the right track, I feel it!

Still, a few more dates to come- nothing is certain yet...because I CHOOSE!!!